Case Studies and Letters of Support
The following letters have been written and printed without legal checks or approval. 'Babies For Justice' reserves the right to be absolved of any legal responsibly for said correspondence in accordance to the Freedom of Speech Act.
CASE STUDIES
1. ANON (Case no. 118)
“I am afraid out of all this sorry saga, apart from the court cases and tribunals I have been to in my fight for justice, one of the worst things I have found is what people are really like when the chips are down..”2. VALERIE (Case no. 133)
“…looking at my girls sleeping I knew I had to carry on and be strong for them otherwise they would give up too, in grief…”3. LUCY Case no. 116)
“the trustees were giving him the money to pay me and he was keeping it.”4. LUCY
“it took months before I was physically well, I had gone without food sometimes and had receding gums, I was run down so I was always unwell…”5. SANDRA (Case no. 88)
“I gave up with the CSA because if I did get any money from him it would be taken off my benefits so I wouldn't be getting any more than I do now.”6. JENNY (Case no. 103)
“I have been battling the CSA for the past 10 years, have been to and lost numerous appeals despite my ex husband having a Ferrari outside the courts.”7. SUZANNE (Case no. 94)
“The CSA still treat me appallingly and I have always worked so receive no help.”8. DENISE ROWLEY (Case no. 144)
“This is just to let you know that there are three others taking legal action against the CSA.”9. KAREN (Case no. 38)
“ I was very depressed with where we were living, and my poor son tried to hang himself.”10. ANON (Case no. 15)
“He has told me that he won't pay up because he hates me - but why should the children suffer because of an issue their parents can't resolve? “11. NATHANIEL ( Case no. 349)
"paperwork arrived saying they where taking me to court for non payment and asking for an explanation. I explained that as they collect by direct debit and had not made any collection attempts, it was not me not paying , it was them not collecting!"
12. ALEXANDRA (Case no. 38)
“I sincerely hope that one day you find a decent man to be a stepfather to your son, as I have not been so fortunate, they really need that male presence and guidance. “13. ANGELA (Case no. 81)
“He hides his money by opting for the most expensive company car and has
upped his pension payments (as these aren’t included) to a ridiculous
amount - and his company helped him do this!”14. LOUISE (Case no.72)
“My ex husband conceals his assets by diverting his income and has yet to pay for our daughter.”15. TRUDI (Case no. 177)
"Unfortunately they have failed to obtain payments from my ex-partner. Not because he has disappeared or anything but due to them giving him chance after chance to pay and setting deadlines and doing absolutely nothing when these deadlines arrive."
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1. ANON (Case no. 118)
“I am afraid out of all this sorry saga, apart from the court cases and tribunals I have been to in my fight for justice, one of the worst things I have found is what people are really like when the chips are down..”Dear Birgit
Thanks for replying to my letter, you are right, my story is terrible, and
there is a lot more to it. Forgive me if I repeat some things here that I've
already told you, only I didn't save my last e mail to you. I will be glad
to help you in any way I can. I have to admit that you saying you would help me nearly
had me in tears. Even if you can’t, just saying it was enough to show you
care. No one has cared in the last ten years, and I am afraid out of all
this sorry saga, apart from the court cases and tribunals I have been to in
my fight for justice, one of the worst things I have found is what people
are really like when the chips are down. You soon find out who your friends
are when you need help and the worst of the lot are the higher social set
who close ranks. I came up against judges and barristers who went to the
same boarding school as my ex husband. I never stood a chance. Old school
ties and all that. His posh accent too against my cockney one didn't help me.
I don’t think for one minute you will ever be in the same situation as me
Birgit, as for one you have a family who are willing to help you, I come
from a poor background and have had no help from anyone. It was that
background though that has helped me stay strong all these years.I worked for magazines, have been in PR too myself and traveled around
the world, so it has been really hard for me to adjust to an impoverished
lifestyle. I had to sell all my clothes and jewellery too to feed my
children. People always ask why I don’t get myself a new man to take care of
us and make life easier (as if because I have blonde hair and am reasonable
looking that is the answer to everything) what they don’t realise is this:
firstly my constant battles to get justice from my ex husband and bringing
up three children has consumed my life, it has literally been such a
struggle that bringing someone else into it was the last thing I could
handle. This man tried every trick in the book to destroy me and I have been
fighting him to the death to stay afloat.Secondly, it would be really easy to meet someone, if I wanted to go out
with a run of the mill garage mechanic who takes me down the pub for a pie
and a pint. The problem is I am used to a certain standard, I like the
ballet, theatre, nice food etc, and the men that I have most in common with
just don’t want a woman with three children on income support. It is all
about social status, I have found that to my cost. It is the same with
friends, you cant afford to mix with the higher bracket, so that leaves the
lower end (I'm sure you know what I mean without me going into detail) I
don’t see why just because I no longer have any money that I should totally
loose my standards, yet the last thing these people want, especially the
wives, is a single woman around. What I find Birgit, is the most horrible
thing, is the people you have to associate with when you are on benefits,
and I just don’t want to get involved with that type - although I don’t know
which social set are the worst. Therefore, I only have a few friends now,
and they are married and have their own lives to deal with, a far cry from
the days of driving around in my Porsche when everyone wanted to be my best
friend because I had money. I'm sure it is easier in London than it is here.
I don’t have to tell you the problems of trying to work when you are on
benefits, one penny over what you are allowed and people cant wait to report
you. I honestly don’t trust anyone, which is a sad state of affairs, but it
is only how I have seen people behave that makes me like this.I think I told you in my last e mail all about my ex husband being one of
the top people in UK Industry, if you want to see his websites, go on Google
and type in ----------. He has deleted a few because of
previous CSA investigations, but now realizing they are useless, he brazenly
advertises his diamond mining companies etc.To add insult to injury, he has had another baby with a new wife (which he
paid £16,000 for vasectomy reversals) and now the CSA (taking into account
this new baby) have waived the paltry £5.60 he was supposed to pay for our
three children, so he pays nil. I have sent you the letter. Then trying to
stick the knife in further he sent our son an e mail asking him if he would
like to be the baby’s GODFATHER, this is after refusing to pay for our three
children, and not seeing them for years. I don’t know how these women who
live with our exes live with themselves. Do you?I would like to contribute to your website and would prefer to remain anon,
the reason being is that I cannot take the shame of people from my past
knowing this has happened to me, it is bad enough in the area that I live
now (how the mighty have fallen) people love it. I have had TV channel on
to me this week asking for my story, but I said to them, what will it do for
me except show my children up at school and let everyone know my
business. I am all for naming and shaming and am at the stage now my
children are teenagers, that I want to go to -------- where my ex lives in his
huge house, and go into every restaurant, pub, bar and even stand in the
town centre telling everyone that this big man of ------- has abandoned his
children to a life of poverty while he lives in luxury.Bye for now Birgit, I've gone on enough.
Hope to speak to you soon.
RegardsAnon
2. VALERIE (Case no. 133)
“…looking at my girls sleeping I knew I had to carry on and be strong for them otherwise they would give up too, in grief…”I was in tears reading the article by Tessa Cunningham,
We are not alone.
I am a single Mum, my ex has purposely not worked, but going to his Fathers funeral I saw in his three bedroom house all the mod cons I have gone without so that my two beautiful girls can have things. I was a Manager of an Art Gallery in Oxford St, owned my own house and car, but had to sell them as I had to stay home to look after the children, with no work I became very depressed, my father died during this time, he was the one I turned to, he made me feel secure, I miss him so, I wanted to be with him, but looking at my girls sleeping I knew I had to carry on and be strong for them otherwise they would give up too in grief, so I made a conscious effort to be strong for them. As they grow older I find the pressure not so great and managed to do a computer course, my confidence is slowly returning but I haven't dated anyone and hardly ever go out. My eldest daughter has this year bought my Xmas present early, a holiday in the Caribbean! Things can only get better.
Merry Xmas
Valerie.
3. LUCY (Case no. 116 )
“the trustees were giving him the money to pay me and he was keeping it.”My ex was paying me maintenance until he lost an intellectual property lawsuit to Mohammed al Fayed in 1999. We both contacted the CSA to explain that I would be claiming benefits as a temporary measure while his insolvency was determined; this would take 6 weeks.
Living in different parts of the country, we were both told that once the CSA had taken over we could not resume our voluntary arrangement without their permission. They now deny this but we both received the same advice when calling them separately. When the insolvency was negotiated within six weeks the trustees upheld my claim as we had a consent order ratified by a solicitor. I tried to explain this to the CSA but they said because it had been mutually agreed i.e. not contested in court, they would not recognise it, although to all intents and purposes it is a legal document drawn up by my solicitors in Barnet with both of us present and with the full cooperation of our lawyers. Despite an assurance from the trustees that they would pay me, when I tried to sign off benefits the CSA told me they had contacted my ex and told him that any attempt to pay me would be regarded as attempted fraud and if I signed off I may be investigated for fraud. This was rubbish but I didn't know that then. Later my partner said to me that now he had realised how much better off he was he was no longer willing to pay, which was a new twist; the trustees were giving him the money to pay me and he was keeping it. I had proof of this which the CSA were not interested in. On his website he states he is still a computer consultant (he earned £2,000 a week when I met him) and he has qualified as a pilot and PADI diving instructor, holidaying annually in the Caymans, yet they believe he is on Incapacity Benefit. They say he could not be investigated for fraud as he is likely to be working from home (too difficult) so his nil asessment stands.
They continually change tack; once they were going to apply for a departure from earnings due to his high income, then they reduced his assessment; then they were going to take away his driving license but withdrew the summons at the last minute.
I couldn't get a lawyer to get involved; the CSA also tried to tell me they had crown immunity. I was also told he had refused to fill out their forms citing that it violated his human rights and they were willing to accept this. Apparently my rights were worthless.
They advised me that for the 3 years I had spent on Benefit unable to afford childcare (I had qualified as a teacher relying on his maintenance to pay for childcare as under family credit rules I didn't get any help) while I was waiting for an interim assessment which was done in 2000, 3 years after it should have been, I could put in a claim for loss of earnings due to misdirection. I did this August 2000 with the help of a visiting officer who told me all the information I had sent over the years had been lost; my file was empty. I sent in my claim for compensation totalling around £18,000. I also sent in all the information again. I have resupplied it 3 times but last time I spoke to them my file did not contain most of it. There is no record of my claim and they tell me I will get nothing. I last heard of my ex nearly 3 years ago; previously we were good friends. The office dealing with my claim is 4 miles away . It is the same office which harassed a friend of mine on incap due to stress for money for his 3 sons after his wife moved in with his brother who was a wealthy businessman. It destroyed 3 years of my life. I got a job as soon as Working Tax Credit was introduced and have not received a penny in maintenance. Despite working now, I am remarried, our mortgage eats up all our money and we live in constant fear of repossession; my career has never caught up and we live literally hand to mouth. We couldn't afford a solicitor but all the solicitors we have ever approached have advised us they can't help, even my original one in Barnet.
My ex's websites detail his life of luxury. I would like justice; for me this would be an apology from the CSA and compensation for ruining my life for so long. Money is secondary; too little too late.
And yes, I have full documentation of everything I have stated and copies of letters etc.
Further details could be supplied and I would be interested in helping with any class action afoot. I too have looked into becoming a welfare rights lawyer but with my kids to support (a two salary job here in Devon where I was born because of house prices) guess what? Can't afford it! Good luck to you all and please keep me updated on progress.Lucy
4. LUCY
“it took months before I was physically well, I had gone without food sometimes and had receding gums, I was run down so I was always unwell…”Dear Birgit
Of course you can use my story. I do not want to be anonymous. I have letters from the CSA saying my ex owes me £13,675 alternating with letters saying he owes £0.00 due to his claim for incapacity benefit, which they accepted was probably fraudulent but refused to check. I received a call two days before Christmas last year saying he was going to court on January 8th or something, then they called back Dec 30th to say it was cancelled and his assessment overturned, effectively ruining my new year since I had felt a sense of closure which then disappeared and was replaced with more hurt feelings. Their excuses hinged on the fact that I live in Plymouth and the department dealing with my case is in Plymouth; many of the experts in various matters who would normally assess my case knew me from school etc and had to pass the work on to non experts who couldn't do it (they told me this); it seems a bit unprofessional. I now work for the civil service and my department does not do this if it is disadvantageous to the customer.They refused to send my case to another area, when I asked them to do so. The person who should have assessed the case for court pulled out, I later found, because she is a close friend of our family. So it has nearly caused rifts with friends/family especially since my mum also worked for them, but gave up due to the chaos there. One person who was dealing with my case for the first four years apparently was famous for taking her overdue paperwork and stuffing it in a drawer; I found this by meeting someone through my present work who used to work with her.
My case was dealt with as sensitive which meant that whenever I phoned them had to ring me back in 24 hours("ringback") as only certain people could access my case; this was because of my mum although she was only one the client helpline, the lowest rung of the ladder. No-one ever returned a single call. My phone records showed I called around 138 times in one year. They are supposed to keep records of calls made by sensitive cases but they didn't. I kind of feel it was a bit of a cover up when they lost my stuff and then my compensation claim. It's really a case of reverse nepotism; because I live in a smallish place and lots of people I know work there - it's a major employer here - I got treated especially badly. The fraud aspect of my ex's dealings rankled, as did the wrong initial advice they gave me which I'm told is because the more cases they take on the better it is for their stats.
Like you, I want justice not cash; I lived that life and rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous too for a bit (via my pre-baby job in charity admin) so money was not the draw for me either. But I used to cry myself to sleep every night knowing that the money the trustees were setting aside monthly for my daughter was being taken by my ex to fund his tax evading lifestyle and this appeared to be perfectly legal whilst we were in a terrible poverty trap and really still haven't caught up. My gran was on income support and used to try to make me weekly food parcels; that hurt.
He pocketed £500 a month earmarked for us right under their noses whilst I began to suffer from malnutrition. I joined New Deal for LPs then, purely so the Jobcentre could fax them stuff so I would know they had had it; even with the fax report saying it was there my JC adviser Alison would call the named contact and be told they didn't have it. Every time.
Within 6 weeks of WFTC existing I was back at work as I could finally afford childcare but it took months before I was physically well as I had gone without food sometimes and had receding gums, was run down so always unwell etc. It was so unjust as I so wanted the best start for my child. I remarried some time later and my new husband gladly supports my daughter but we live hand to mouth to pay the mortgage; I'd love that money towards her university fund as it's the only way she'll have one if things remain as they are. None of the solicitors I approached when I was unemployed would touch the case, nor would MPs/ councilors etc; different reasons given. It really is Kafkaesque beyond belief.
I would love to help bring them to their knees, the arrogant cretins, and can supply any documentation/ copies of letters etc if would be useful; I keep a yellowing folder, just like in Jarndyce and Jarndyce. Let me know how I can help and I shall. I think what you are doing is wonderful and will help so many people to be heard at last.
Best wishes,
Lucy
5. SANDRA (Case no. 88)
“I gave up with the CSA because if I did get any money from him it would be taken off my benefits so I wouldn't be getting any more than I do now.”Hi
I have just read your article in the Daily Mail and felt compelled to write to you, I am a single mother,
I have never had any help at all from my daughter’s father nor have the CHILD SUPPORT been any help. When I first applied, they said they needed my ex partners national insurance number which I sent that was the last I heard from them.
I gave up with the CSA because if I did get any money from him it would be taken off my benefits so I wouldn't be getting any more than I do now.Another annoying problem regarding benefits I am having I was a nurse before my daughter was born, she is now at full time school I feel I could go back to work.
As I have been out of the health service for nearly 8 years I have to do a refresher course.
The nearest college is a £13.80 train fare and a £2.30 bus fare away when I asked for help with travel expenses I was told no I wasn't entitled to any assistance as they hadn't sent me on the course.
Luckily I don't have to go every week it’s once or twice a fortnight but its money I need to live on, so something else has to go. All I was told was to get a loan that I would have to pay so much back each week. Then she said "well at least when you`ve don't it you will be getting more money" that doesn't help the 7 months while I’m doing the course.Sorry I know this doesn't help your research with the CSA but I wanted to contact you to wish you luck.
Also after ready your story it has made me realise that when you have money you don't always have happiness. It also emphasizes that people want to give you things when you have enough to pay for them.
Loved the paragraph when you were partying every night on champagne and canapés and not paying a penny!!
Well once again, good luck for the future hope every thing works out for you.Sandra
6. JENNY (Case no. 103)
“I have been battling the CSA for the past 10 years, have been to and lost numerous appeals despite my ex husband having a Ferrari outside the courts.”Dear Birgit
I could have been reading about myself in the Daily Mail today when I read your story, as I too married a very wealthy man and was left with not one child, but three babies under three.
I was a model when we met, and had my own business, house etc, holidayed abroad, everything. I met my millionaire husband in Marbella, we married, had three children (a son and twin girls) I signed everything over to him in the belief that I would never be short of money for the rest of my life. He had affairs, decided he wanted his freedom back and left us in poverty. This is a huge story, and if you want to hear it all, please feel free to contact me, but for now I will just tell you, that I have been battling the CSA for the past 10 years, have been to and lost numerous appeals despite my ex husband having a Ferrari outside the courts, he takes legal advisers with him to the hearings and laughs as he knows they can’t touch him. Why? because he transferred every asset into his parents names with their full co operation. He paid nothing for years then the CSA ordered that he pay £5.60 for ALL THREE children. He has now remarried, had a child (after he had paid £16000 a vasectomy reversal) and the CSA then cancelled the £5.60 because as he now has a new baby). Believe me Birgit, no one can have fought them harder over the years, he lives in a huge manor house, is one of the top people in UK industry, owns property abroad, is wealthy beyond measure, while myself and our children have spent 10 years being pushed from one rough council estate to another, living on benefits. It is impossible to get off the cycle once you are on it, especially with three kids. I am now renting a detached house, after having to deal with horrendous neighbours for years. I have to say this to you though, my children never ever went without christmas presents, I scoured boot fairs etc and got some fabulous stuff for them, they are all teenagers now and tell me I gave them a great childhood.
Please contact me for any information you need on the CSA, I am an expert believe me, I have about 10 boxes of papers from them through the years, and had I known what a complete waste of time it would be, I would never have bothered with them in the first place. You are lucky that your story got told in the papers, there are many more like us who never get theirs told, probably because we have not had a Kevin Costner liason: the papers are shallow.
Regards
Jennyp.s. I have to add that not one person in all those years has ever helped me to get through it all, you certainly find out who your friends are when suddenly you are no longer wealthy. The sad thing is you lose your trust. I hope you don’t go through the hells I have with the courts and CSA, it is not worth your health.
7. SUZANNE (Case no. 94)
“The CSA still treat me appallingly and I have always worked so receive no help.”I read your article today, and you should feel very proud of yourself.
There was an article recently by another woman who has struggled with the
system and the CSA.I will send you my story seperately as I am at work - but basically after a
6 year struggle with the CSA I finally got an award of £126 per week from my
ex -- who has a £60k a year trust fund income, works as Senior Legal Counsel and lives in a £1.8 million flat. He doesn't pay despite a Commit Warrant and an Arrest warrant.The CSA still treat me appallingly and I have always worked so receive no help.
I have a law degree too - and it does help when they try to shut you up with jargon and you know they are just spinning a line.
Take care
Suzanne
8. DENISE ROWLEY (Case no. 144)
“This is just to let you know that there are three others taking legal action against the CSA.”Hi
I read the article in the Daily Mail.
I have battled with the CSA for 8 years and am raising a case against them on behalf of my children as their rights are being violated (I filed in Leeds County Court as well in July). You may have also seen Alison Davies in the press she is awaiting a date for the Court of Appeal and Helen Smith she will be heard in the House of Lords next year.
The CSA cannot adjudicate wealth of the absent parent. All three of us have taken law Alison is a Trainee Legal Exec, Helen is studying for an LLB and I have just finished a Business Finance and Law degree having taken earlier ILEX part one.
This is just to let you know that there are three others taking legal action against the CSA.
Regards
Denise Rowley
9. KAREN (Case no. 38)
“I was very depressed with where we were living, and my poor son tried to hang himself.”Today I was called home from work because my 8 year old son has been taken ill with a stomach bug, being a single parent that means there is only me to come and pick him up which means unpaid time off sick from work. So on my way home I purchased a newspaper (the Daily Mail) and your story captured my eye and so I decided to visit your website, and I would like to share my story with you.
I separated and subsequently divorced from my son’s father just before my son’s 2nd birthday. The reasons behind the divorce were due his constant drinking and violent temper, which I was on the receiving end of, including him breaking into my home after we separated and raping me.
He is in the navy and we lived in MOD housing, the support I received from the armed forces in leaving a violent partner was zero. My son and I were served countless eviction notices while the council did nothing to help as they said they had no available houses. If it wasn't for the support of my friends and family I would never have coped.
Eventually we were housed in a flat from the council which had no central heating (in this day and age!) just an open fire that I was too scared to light.
I worked part-time for my own sanity and was worse off than being on Benefits. My son was badly burnt in the shower in the property when the cold water was mysteriously cut off for a few seconds, a plumber came eventually and the water was found to be 15 degrees hotter than the limit for rented accommodation.
My ex managed, for 2 years, to not pay a penny in child support and kept giving false information to the CSA and bouncing cheques on them. Eventually I contacted my local MP who pressed the CSA for an attachment of earnings order.
You would think by now my life would be sorted out. I made the mistake of meeting another man who I was totally in love with and thought he felt the same about me and my son, I hate to admit it but he was also in the navy, and I think my moving in with him was desperation from feeling alone if I am honest.
We moved from my home town in Cornwall to Yeovil because of his work and were housed by the navy. All was fine for a while until I discovered he had been mis-treating my son, hitting him and making him stand in stress positions when he was naughty. So we go through the separation struggle again, by this time I was back at work full time while my son was at school.
This time things were much worse than before. I applied for housing from the local authority and sat on a waiting list, where I was living was fine and the navy were letting us stay for the time being. Then came the Tax Credits! Having not received any payments for 3 months I fell behind with my rent and so was taken to court by the navy and evicted. I had to pay the court costs for my own eviction and I am still paying my rent arrears now at a cost of £30 a month. Then my ex husband appealed to the CSA for a reduction saying he bought me a fridge/freezer, TV, video and a car which he was paying monthly and also said it cost him a lot to visit his son in petrol. None of this is true, he didn't see his son for 4 years and in the last 2 years has seen him 6 times and he bought nothing for us as he told the CSA. The CSA promptly cut my payments. I found myself in a hostel for homeless people, with no money and mentally couldn't cope with working full time. Fortunately I have very understanding employers who let me cut my hours back. Eventually I did get some Tax Credits payments through but I was very depressed with where we were living and my poor son tried to hang himself. I moved in with my mother and part own a house with her 65 miles away from where I was living and moved my son to a new school.
Then earlier this year the Inland Revenue have decided they overpaid my Tax Credits by £3500 for 2003/2004. They apparently sent me a letter when they first launched it and there was an error on it where they had calculated my annual childcare bill as being my weekly one. This letter was never received by myself as they said there was a delay sending the awards out and by this time I had moved into the hostel, and surely I shouldn't have to pay it back if it was their error, and I had to put up with a very condescending woman "telling me off" in my own home.
So now I earn £700 a month, I get £150 a month in CSA (from a man who always has expensive new cars, and clothes etc), and I am paying my tax credit overpayment back. After I have paid my bills, my share of my mortgage, my childcare, my debts from my rent arrears etc I have about £25 a week to feed myself and my son.
I do feel that my ex could pay more for his son as he earns a lot of money and is always showing off about what he can afford and what he has bought new. I don't want to give up work and live off benefits because of the stigma attached to it, and I hate the way single parents get the blame for everything, what about the parent that cannot be bothered to look after their children? Why don't they get the blame for letting their kids go without and live off the state?
It seems that life for me, financially, is an endless struggle and I wonder if one day it will all fall into place. If I am honest, I am happier in myself, I have nothing, but what I do have is all mine and nobody can take it away from me. My violent ex partners can no longer harm me or my son and while we may not be able to afford lots of things that others take for granted I have my pride and my self respect and my beautiful little boy. I don't know any body that has an easy ride with the CSA and the tax credit system, my friends ex sometimes pays her about £20 and sometimes doesn't so the CSA say they are powerless to intervene unless he totally stops paying, but he knows how to work the system. When she phones them they come out with excuses like "everybody in that department are at lunch" or "nobody knows how to work the new computer system." Its ludicrous in this day and age there are those of us, through no fault of our own, are forced to bring our children up alone. The struggle not just financially but mentally and emotionally can be very hard to bare at times. Like my situation today I try to hold down my job but my son must always come first. I live with the guilt of not being a proper mummy and being there to pick my son up from school and missing parents evenings, school plays and days out. I have to take holiday time to be home when my son has a teacher training day, and as for the government trying to make it easier for single parents to go out and work they overlook the fact that some of us would rather be home bringing our children up ourselves. I would like to see some of the people to slander single parents try to hold down a job, look after a child, be on call 24/7 to that child and live with the guilt.
I look forward to seeing if changes to the CSA and the tax credit system can be worked out, especially the CSA. In your case I don't understand why the CSA can say your son’s father can pay £5 a week but afford £300 an hour legal team?? Do they not look at unnecessary expenditure being a confession of having large quantities of disposable income, and more to the point why does he feel the need to pay that to some suit rather than care for his child. What price would you put on a child's happiness and stability, and we the parents, have the unpaid and thankless job of shouldering the blame.
I wish you every success in your quest for justice for your child and hope that one day my son’s disgraceful father will not be driving around in a flash new car but will instead have something more appropriate to drive so to ensure his son is properly fed, clothed, warm and happy.
By the way you looked amazing in your picture in the paper and what you said gave me real inspiration and hope that all is never lost and made me look at what I do have and realise that there are worse things that could happen. And us single parents may not be dripping with fortune but what we do have is worth so much more than that.
Many thanks and kindest regards
from
Karen10. ANON (Case no. 15)
“He has told me that he won't pay up because he hates me - but why should the children suffer because of an issue their parents can't resolve? “Hello Birgit
I saw the article in today's Daily Mail and immediately identified with your quest for support from your child's father.My ex-partner (we never married) and I have 2 children and were together for 13 years. I left him 4 years ago, I had to move away from a very nice house and area. I moved to a very unpleasant rented house. Initially he supported the children but I had to work to pay the bills. I had previously been studying for a degree but could no longer afford to carry on as a student.
In November 2003 I received my last monthly payment from him. I have had nothing since. Because he is self employed the CSA are unable to get money from him. He is supposed to pay 5 pounds a week but is now at least 2 months in arrears. The CSA have told me that because self employed fathers know the current law has loopholes, they just play the system and continue without paying.
The difference in my case to perhaps many others is that the children see their father every other weekend. I've tried many ways of getting him to talk about money but he won't. I believe the children's relationship with their father is very important and actively encourage contact. He has told me that he won't pay up because he hates me - but why should the children suffer because of an issue their parents can't resolve?
I have married a really fantastic man who now supports the children and I. He loves the children very much but gets frustrated when we can't afford things which perhaps we could if the children's father contributed.
Despite everything we've been through the children and I are now very happy and I tolerate the current situation for all our emotional wellbeing. But I have basically given up on the CSA.
Good luck with your campaign.
ANON11. NATHANIEL (Case No. 349)
"paperwork arrived saying they where taking me to court for non payment and asking for an explanation. I explained that as they collect by direct debit and had not made any collection attempts, it was not me not paying , it was them not collecting!"
Dear Birgit
Having read through your "case studies" it appears that you only seem to be hearing from angry women who lose in court and then blame the CSA for not achieving what they failed to achieve themselves.
My case is not unique, in fact according to the CSA the reason they cannot collect money from "Absent fathers" is because there computer system (paid for by the Taxpayer from EDS) cannot manage direct debits.
I told the CSA in November last year that they had stopped collecting payments after my ex wife's solicitor sent me a snotty letter. The CSA thanked me and said they would sort it out. We resolved it over the phone with a new payment schedule etc and then the paperwork arrived saying they where taking me to court for non payment and asking for an explanation. I explained that as they collect by direct debit and had not made any collection attempts it was not me not paying , it was them not collecting! A new DD was set up, it didn't happen because they said they didn't have all the details.
At that stage I made a request under the data protection act for my file to find that I had given them the details twice and my bank 4 times! Still no direct debit was set up. You may wish to do the same it will give you some idea just how dire the computer system they use is. They then told me that one of the "agents" had not switched the right flag so the collection hadn't happened.
What the CSA is having to do now is to tell "absent parents" (we don't get a choice remember) that we must pay by standing order (which doesn't have the protection of the DD guarantee) because the very expensive computer system that my taxes paid for doesn't actually work. The irony is, having been told to pay by standing order I see from my online banking that they have now set up the new direct debit so I will probably end up paying twice!
I do everything I can to support my daughter despite the best efforts of my ex wife and the inept performance of the CSA and like many absent fathers its not that we don't want to pay or cant pay or have an axe to grind, the CSA simply wont take the money because the computer system they bought from some of Tony's mates isn't up to the job. I was told by my case worker that they would prefer to use MS Word, Outlook and Excel as they could at least get some work done.
Also, if the software stops working (usually daily) then the CSA have to use there own technical support as they are not allowed to contact EDS themselves as they have no client contact. If I had spent £400 million on a computer system I would expect it to include a support contract!
You are of course welcome to use the content of this email as a case study on your site although its message is somewhat different from the current content or the governments message that its all down to fathers who wont pay.
Kind regards
Nathaniel12. ALEXANDRA (Case no. 38)
“I sincerely hope that one day you find a decent man to be a stepfather to your son, as I have not been so fortunate, they really need that male presence and guidance. “Hello Birgit
I read your article in the Daily Mail and feel much empathy with your circumstances.
My son's father has never paid any maintenance since we divorced when he was 3 years old (I was 39). As an American and a freelance 'roaming' chartered engineer he has had more than enough money to help support his son but my problem has been the 'roaming'. The one time I approached the CSA they said they couldn't help me as they had to have an address for his place of work which of course was impossible for me to pin down as he was nearly always abroad. I tried threats and appealing to his better nature but to no avail. However, now my son is older, his father is happy to get in contact with him, albeit behind my back, even offering to pay for him to visit him in the Far East but still no maintenance!
I had to go back to work and have consequently worked full time throughout his upbringing, he is now 16, with support from my terrific mother (who's now 80). She has been the main carer whilst I worked and has also helped financially. It's not a perfect arrangement but better than most.
As I too had a private education, I somewhat ambitiously set myself the enormous task of paying for my son to have the same (he went to prep school and is now a boarder at public school) but the end is in sight. It's been a long hard struggle with many sacrifices and I don't recommend it. Aside from the financial support there is also the emotional and physical support a mother needs in bringing up a child - which was also greatly missed by both my son and myself. Sometimes just being in 2 places at once was impossible, like important dates at school conflicting with work commitments and of course being the sole driver was a problem. I could go on and on.........
I sincerely hope that one day you find a decent man to be a stepfather to your son, as I have not been so fortunate, they really need that male presence and guidance.
Regards and Best Wishes
Alexandra
13. ANGELA (Case no. 81)
“He hides his money by opting for the most expensive company car and has
upped his pension payments (as these aren’t included) to a ridiculous
amount - and his company helped him do this!”Dear Birgit,
My mum passed on your article in the Daily Mail to me. I found it
inspiring and a breath of fresh air that someone is actually attempting to do something about the injustice brought to both men and women who are single parents. Myself and 3 of my friends, one of whom is male, has had to put up with ex partners who provide little
or no support.
My partner lived with me at my house for 5 years, we decided to buy a
place together when our son was a year old and move to an area that
was nicer for a child to be brought up in. I had a well paid job I had been in for 11 years, my partner had been in and out of various jobs, I had basically supported him when he was between jobs. I paid all the legal fees, deposit etc. The day we moved 5th Aug this year, he decided he wasn’t coming with us. I was devastated. To cut a very long story short, he may now be taking me to court to sell the house so he can get his 'share' even though I put in every penny, and sell the roof from over his owns son's head. I have had to give up my well paid job as I traveled abroad often, my son is 18 months old and has taken his dad going very badly. I have no job but have an interview for a 3 delivery jobs next week just so that I can pay the mortgage and feed my son. Meanwhile his father is in Spain possibly moving there permanently, he has already complained at the £75 I asked towards half of the food/nappies bill for his son for 6 weeks worth. If he moves to Spain I won’t even get that he has made it clear he doesn’t like having to 'fork' out for maintenance although he will happily go out at a weekend and spend £200.
My best friend's ex husband works in banking, she receives £90 a month for her daughter through the CSA although he earns £40K - £50K. He hides it by opting for the most expensive company car and has upped his pension payments as these aren’t included to a ridiculous amount - and his company helped him do this! Another friend was a victim of domestic violence by the father of her girls. He demands for proof of costs of every item before he pays anything even though he has just received a lump sum of over half a
million pounds . A male friend split with his partner before their child was born, the
mother dropped off their daughter for the weekend and never returned, she has since had 6 more children and has never provided for her daughter while the dad struggled to make ends meet, this was 7 years ago and no help was ever given by the authorities.
I don’t know if any of this is of relevance to you. I applaud what you are doing and would love to hear how you get on.Many Thanks
Angela
14. LOUISE (Case no.72)
“My ex husband conceals his assets by diverting his income and has yet to pay for our daughter.”I read with interest and empathy your article in the Daily Mail last week. My situation is very similar to yours. I am likely to receive the minimum CSA payment when I finally get an award. I applied in May and am still waiting. I am currently in the throws of enlisting the help of my MP Stewart Hosie.
My ex husband conceals his assets by diverting his income and has yet to pay for our daughter. I was severely injured in child birth but was forced to return to work in order to pay massive legal bills for my separation. I could not claim legal aid. I am a primary school teacher and have to work full time in order to repay my debts £14 000. I have also sold all of my jewellery and other items to make ends meet.
I wholly support your cause and would be keen to help and assist you where possible.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Can you offer any advice?
Yours Sincerely
Louise
continued:
Birgit
Thanks for your reply. I am happy for you to post my story on your website.
Perhaps I can take this opportunity to give you the full details.I was married for precisely 20 months during which time I had my daughter,
Lily. My husband and I separated on her first birthday as a result of his
habitual drug taking and penchant for lap dancing bars and brothels and
internet pornography. He was also a terrible bully, liar and first rate
loser. His parenting skills were and continue to be non existent. He does
not see our daughter ( his choice ).In spite of coming from one of Aberdeen's wealthiest business famililies,
who are worth around £2 million I have yet to receive any money from him for
the upbringing of our daughter. He owns a limited company which has trading
figures of around £4000 per year. This effectively means that he pays no
income tax or national insurance. When his father passed away last year he
officially received in excess of £30,000 as an inheritance although I
suspect various family members received more than that on his behalf as a
deliberate attempt to divert his wealth. He also received half of my pension
£4000 and £25,000 when we separated. He had no pension so I could not make a
claim against him.
The CSA have calculated that he pay me £5 per week which is the minumum
amount. They have disregarded his personal and family fortune due to a lack
of evidence.
He is currently being examined by the criminal enforcement unit of the CSA
as he has not even paid his outstanding £5 per week. I applied to them in
May and have not received a penny.
When my daughter was born I sustained a 4th degree tear. I am permanently
faecally incontinent and experts will not operate on me as it is too risky.
I have to work full time as a primary school teacher. I resigned my post as
Head Teacher as a result of my ill health and my career is effectively over.
I was considered for medical retirement but the prospect of only receiving
£2000 as a pension and living a life on benefits was too much to bear. I now
work in constant fear of soiling myself in front of 30 6 year olds.
My return to work was necessary in order to pay legal fees for my separation
and family law issues of around £14,000. I received no legal aid. I receive
no tax credits. I have sold all of my valuables and live with a house full
of furniture which was donated to me by good friends and family.
I spend £1500 a month of my salary on debt repayment, child care fees and my
mortgage. My daughter and I live on £40 per week for food etc.I have suffered from suicidal thoughts and depression in the past but my
drive and determination to provide the very best life for my daughter and I
spurs me on through the bad times.My ex husband drums in a jazz band in Glasgow for cash and lives the high
life. He is very wealthy as are his family. None of them are held to account
for their shoddy treatment of my daughter. It is appalling and I wish you
and your organisation every success for bringing the likes of my ex husband
and his wealthy family to justice.Best Wishes
Louise
15. TRUDI (Case no. 22)
"Unfortunately they have failed to obtain payments from my ex-partner. Not because he has disappeared or anything but due to them giving him chance after chance to pay and setting deadlines and doing absolutely nothing when these deadlines arrive."Dear Birgit
I have been experiencing problem after problem with the CSA. My partner
left me when I was 6 months pregnant. He has never paid a penny to me or
his daughter before or since she was born. The day I came out of hospital
after having her I sent off my forms to CSA (October 2004) Firstly the lost
my original application. Then the computer wouldn't accept my data and it
took 4 months for them to transfer my case to clerical. It was also 4
months before they even telephoned my ex!!! My ex tried to DNA test delay
tactic which did delay everything for about 3 months and then he didn't even
go ahead with it because he knew he really is my babies father. The CSA had
various excuses as to why the assessment was taking so long but eventually
in June this year an assessment was made. Unfortunately they have failed to
obtain payments from my ex-partner. Not because he has disappeared or
anything but due to them giving him chance after chance to pay and setting
deadlines and doing absolutely nothing when these deadlines arrive. He
seems to know how to work the system and after having no contact with me
since July 2004 suddenly sent my daughter a birthday card with love from
Daddy. I was mortified and really angry. I have been a single parent
before. I have 2 grown up daughters. Their father was made to pay
maintenance through the courts. This was in 1987, he had an ordinary job
and had to pay £30 per week. My 6 year old daughter's father left when she
was 6 months old and has paid me voluntarily every month without fail, and
my baby who has just turned 1. Her father's assessment is just £37 per
week. They have backdated the claim to Feb this year but will only ask him
to pay 5% of the arrears. Every week that passes without any payment is
increasing the arrears dramatically. I have worked out that my daughter
will have started school before his arrears are paid off. I am a registered
childminder living in a village about 7 miles out of town, but have really
struggled finding children to mind since going back to work after my
maternity leave. Another one of my minded children has just finished and
has left me panicking about how I am going to feed my children next week. I
have a mortgage and need my car living in the village. I also work for a
care company looking after old people in the community 1 or 2 evenings a
week. I have been unable to do this job for a few weeks as my father has
been ill and unable to drive my mum over to me to babysit. At one point in
time I was working 52 hours a week to make ends meet. With 2 children of
such different ages it is almost impossible to get any other kind of job
that I could fit in, and with my parents 7 miles away and no-one else to
babysit. My eldest daughter lives in London and the second eldest has just
moved away to university to study nursing. I am also the only childminder
in this area so I couldn't even get a childminder if I needed one.I have had my local MP involved in my case and do believe that he has helped
to "speed up" my application even though it has now been over a year since
my first contact with CSA and I still have not had a single penny.The CSA have also looked into a claim for compensation for loss of
maintenance but I have been told that this will not be considered until my
ex has established regular maintenance payments!!!I hope that you will be successful in your quest and do not hesitate to
contact me if you require any further information.
TRUDI- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LETTERS OF SUPPORT1. TIM – ‘dark tunnel’
2. ANDREW – ‘hanging on in there’
3. ASHLEY - ‘it must be terrible’
4. ANON – ‘a new relative of yours’
5. DAVID – ‘wishes of support in your battle against adversity!’
6. KM – ‘toffs the snobs.’
7. SUSAN – ‘I would like to wish you good luck’
8. JEFF – ‘I am a single Dad, who has honoured his financial responsibilities…’
9. MARK – ‘DO THE RIGHT THING FOR OUR CHILDREN.’
10. AMANDA – ‘You are and will be an inspiration to many mothers and fathers..’
11. ANON - “I worked for the CSA for 12 months…”1. TIM
Hello,
I am sorry to bother you mate, just read your story in the Mail and I think you are a very brave woman and instead of falling in the dark tunnel, you seemed to seen the light.
I wish you and your son all the good luck and best wishes in life.
Oh yes one more thing, sometimes you might feel throwing all away is the only choice but always listen to your subconscious it will never misguide you.
Bye for now
Tim
2. ANDREWDear Birgit,
I have read a couple of articles about you recently and you seem to be having a tough time.
I just wanted to say how much I admire you for hanging on in there and trying to turn things around. You have been through so much and are still standing and planning ahead and trying to move forward. Your family and friends must be very proud of you. Jack is lucky to have a Mum like you.
Best wishes,
Andrew
3. ASHLEYDear Miss Cunningham
I read the interview that you gave in the Daily Mail on Friday with interest and am writing simply to wish you every success with your website and campaign.
I went through difficult times after my marriage broke up in 1991. We had three small children but, luckily, my wife and I were on good terms and, surprisingly, became wonderful friends after our divorce.
This made me aware of how terrible it must be for those (particularly the mothers) who do not manage to find equilibrium in their relationships after they break up.
I can imagine that, at times, you must have been about as low as it is possible to be. Nevertheless, judging from the piece in the Daily Mail, you have managed to find strength in adversity.
I wish you every success and if I can be of service, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Kind regards
Ashley
4. ANONDear Brigit
I read your story and really felt appalled at how you have been treated.
You are clearly very bright and determined and I wish you every bit of luck in your case.
All the best
I will be in touch.A new relative of yours
Anon
5. DAVIDHi Birgit,
I hope you don't mind me intruding but I just wanted to say that I was fascinated to read the article about your life in last Friday's Daily Mail and to offer a few wishes of support in your battle against adversity!
I'm glad that you're happy with your new and very different situation.
Best wishes,
David
6. KMDear Birgit,
I've just read your article in the Daily Mail, (five times), and wish I could come to London and give up a huge cuddle, your an amazing women who has turned her back on the toffs the snobs and the high life to devote yourself to your son, and I hope you get from his father everything your son needs, its easy to plant a child and walk away, but the strong one stays and fights for the child’s rights.
I wish you and Jack all the very best for the future and hope you get everything you have ever wished for, anything I can do to help don't hesitate to ask.
Regards
KM
7. SUSANDear Ms Cunningham
I read your story in the Daily Mail this morning - what an amazing life you have lead and what an inspiration the story will be for people who have fallen on hard times.
I am not in a position where I can provide any useful input for your project, but I would like to wish you good luck with it.
Susan
8. JEFF“I am a single Dad, who has honoured his financial responsibilities from the
start of the breakdown of my marriage. “Hi Birgit
I read your story today and was inspired by how you have dealt with the
changes in your life.I am a single Dad, who has honoured his financial responsibilities from the
start of the breakdown of my marriage. The situation has now changed and in
fact my daughter lives with me full time and my son half of the week
(although I continue to pay maintenance to me ex for both children and her).When I read stories such as yours I consider myself so very lucky, lucky
both that I am able to see as much of my children as wish and also that I
can afford to provide for my ex wife regardless of why we parted or how I
feel now.I am glad you still have your parents and I am sure your friends if only for
emotional support.Good luck.
With my very best wishes
Jeff
9. MARKMs Cunningham
I have just read your article in the Daily Mail 14 October 2005 and decided to look at your web page.
I would like to express my sincere support in your fight for justice for babies.
In today's society money and title seems to be the voice of reason, what has happened to 'doing the right thing'.
It takes two to tango and I feel each party should face up to the consequences thus not take their responsibilities lightly.
Children do not have a choice we are the ones that made them we should then give them every possible chance.
Ones wealth surely is shown on ones 'outgoings' therefore 'outgoings' should be scrutinised more closely.
Most outgoings are self induced materialistic, 'keep up with the Jone's,' 'I’m better than you' rubbish, lets get back to basics and
DO THE RIGHT THING FOR OUR CHILDREN.
Is not a child the greatest asset anyone can have.
Regards
Mark, a father
10. AMANDAHi Brigit
Just a small note to say that how much I enjoyed the article in today's daily
mail. You are and will be an inspiration to many mothers and fathers who
struggle to get absent parents to pay for their children. Keep up the good
work and I'm sure that your son Jack will grow up to be a loving caring person
who appreciates the people and the world around him.Kind regards
Amanda
11. ANONBirgit,
May I take this opportunity to wish you all the very best in your endeavors for financial recompense for your son.
I've just read Tess Cunninghams's article in the Daily Mail and believe me, as a man, it galls me that Harry won't stand up to his responsibilities and is using legal muscle to defer and delay payments. I also applaud the fact that you acknowledge how most men are wrongly labeled as "bad fathers".
You have been through purgatory and are a victim of our ridiculous Benefits and Child Support system and should not be in such dire financial straits because you have chosen to ensure that your son Jack grows up in a loving and positive environment with his Mum.
I worked for the CSA for 12 months in their Central Appeals Unit based in Lytham St. Annes in Lancashire and some of the ridiculous actions we were forced to apply as a decision of the Tribunal, made my flesh crawl, knowing full well, that, as in your fight with Harry, the greater legal might always seems to prevail.
You are to be admired for your fortitude, you are a very good looking woman and I hope that one day you do find some real happiness with a man who will appreciate you for who you are and what you have been through.
Anon
Image © Babies for Justice 2005
